November 17th……………November 17th is a day I have grown to both love and hate. It is the day we go see the developmental pediatrician for Delise. I love the idea of this date because we will hopefully get some answers, yet I hate this date because we will be getting answers. Up until this point it has been mother and father intuition that something is going on with our baby girl but come November 17th, there is a label that will be stamped on her precious name and that breaks my heart…literally breaks my heart.
Last night Delise went into one of her fits that lasted over 3 hours. Three LLLOOOONNNGGGG hours of screaming, out of control behavior, biting, pulling hair, arching her back, Putting herself into tight spots, etc. As a mommy, the feeling of helplessness is almost too much to bear. I tried rocking her, laying with her, getting firm with her, stroking her tear-filled face, etc. but nothing seemed to calm my overstimulated baby girl. I had to resort to leaving her alone to sort out her issues while I sat outside of her bedroom door sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn’t wipe the tears away from her tiny eyes, they just came back bigger and more frequently, I couldn’t hold her tight because her small little body stiffened as straight as a board and made things worse, I couldn’t stroke her hair because she would scratch at her face  screaming hysterically until I stopped, I couldn’t do anything. I had to sit and watch my baby go through something sad, scary, and heartbreaking.
After the fit had FINALLY passed, I slumped into my bed and my mind was RACING! There was absolutely NO WAY I was going to fall asleep anytime soon so I started Googling her symptoms and started doing some research about what might be going on. Something I came across seemed to fit her symptoms and it is something Help Me Grow had mentioned a while back as one of their possible concerns. It is called Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). As I continued to read about symptoms for SPD and treatment, my mind started to ease and I started to shift my mindset to “Ok, let’s do this thing!” Yes it is a label…and it may not even be the right one, but it felt better knowing we aren’t alone and there are things we can do to help her.
It was a moment of clarity for me. I feel God laid it on my heart to stop feeling sorry for myself and Delise and start embracing the fact that she is different. SO WHAT right! She is quirky, strong-willed, exhausting at times, determined and loving. She was chosen for Ben and I and what a gift that is! So I am taking the nighttime incidents she goes through and the daily tantrums she struggles with and deciding that we need a solution to help her cope. And that is what I will get to the bottom of. 🙂
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