The Strong-Willed Child

If you have more than one child, you know how drastically different the personalities for each child can be and how those personalities shape who they become…with a bit of direction from parents, siblings, family, friends and experiences. But what if you have a strong-willed child who seems to make things difficult when, let’s say, going places, hanging out with friends, following directions, etc.? Not only can frustrations run high, but if we don’t foster positive interactions with those “special” little ones, it can do harm to whom they are to become. It is so important to view each child as individual and best help them despite how difficult their actions or things may seem.

I am far from an expert in this area. I once did a live FaceBook event on this very topic and was blown away by how many people hopped on to watch what light I may be able to shed on their already difficult situation at home. It intrigued me and I started to do a bit of research in the category. I am going to share with you some sources that I have previously shared on other social media forms that I feel are helpful for helping guide parents through stages in life with children who may be on the more difficult end of things. I pray this helps those parent(s) or caregiver(s) who feel lost or at their wits end when it comes to parenting a child with a strong personality. These three resources are credible, they provide consistent parenting advice, and they help parents guide their strong-willed child in the right direction.

Website Resources:

• https://www.focusonthefamily.ca/content/what-sets-them-off-understanding-your-strong-willed-child
• https://childrensmd.org/browse-by-age-group/toddler-pre-school/the-strong-willed-child-5-ways-to-turn-tension-into-joy/
• https://www.peacefulparent.com/peacefully-parenting-your-strong-willed-child/

Some parents feel they have listened to people shed light on the more difficult child and how to raise them, but still don’t feel equipped enough. Here are several books on my “MUST READ” list for parent(s) and caregiver(s) who need the physical resource to refer back and forth too…Ahem…that would be me. I need a book that I can mark up, highlight, underline, etc. Something I can tailor to my individual needs and later refer to in a much easier manner.

Books to Read/ Reference:

• Dr. James Dobson, America’s foremost parenting expert, shares advice on shaping the will of the strong-willed child. Learn the strategies that succeed, those that fail, and the encouragement of knowing how that headstrong child can become a man or woman of great character.

• In this revised edition of Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Dr. Tedd Tripp not only draws on his thirty years of experience as a pastor, counselor, school administrator, and father, but he also shares insights gained in ten years of teaching this material in conferences worldwide, providing more valuable help for parents. 

• A groundbreaking approach to understanding and parenting children who frequently exhibit severe fits of temper and other intractable behaviors, from a distinguished clinician and pioneer in this field. What’s an explosive child? A child who responds to routine problems with extreme frustration–crying, screaming, swearing, kicking, hitting, biting, spitting, destroying property, and worse. A child whose frequent, severe outbursts leave his or her parents feeling frustrated, scared, worried, and desperate for help. Most of these parents have tried everything-reasoning, explaining, punishing, sticker charts, therapy, medication–but to no avail. They can’t figure out why their child acts the way he or she does; they wonder why the strategies that work for other kids don’t work for theirs; and they don’t know what to do instead. Dr. Ross Greene, a distinguished clinician and pioneer in the treatment of kids with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges, has worked with thousands of explosive children, and he has good news: these kids aren’t attention-seeking, manipulative, or unmotivated, and their parents aren’t passive, permissive pushovers. Rather, explosive kids are lacking some crucial skills in the domains of flexibility/adaptability, frustration tolerance, and problem-solving, and they require a different approach to parenting. Throughout this compassionate, insightful, and practical book, Dr. Greene provides a new conceptual framework for understanding their difficulties, based on research in the neurosciences. He explains why traditional parenting and treatment often don’t work with these children, and he describes what to do instead. Instead of relying on rewarding and punishing, Dr. Greene’s Collaborative Problem Solving model promotes working with explosive children to solve the problems that precipitate explosive episodes, and teaching these kids the skills they lack. 

• Does your child speak a different language? Sometimes they wager for your attention, and other times they ignore you completely. Sometimes they are filled with gratitude and affection, and other times they seem totally indifferent. Attitude. Behavior. Development. Everything depends on the love relationship between you and your child. When children feel loved, they do their best. But how can you make sure your child feels loved? Since 1992, Dr. Gary Chapman’s best-selling book The Five Love Languages has helped more than 300,000 couples develop stronger, more fulfilling relationships by teaching them to speak each others love language. Each child, too, expresses and receives love through one of five different communication styles. And your love language may be totally different from that of your child. While you are doing all you can to show your child love, he may be hearing it as something completely opposite. Discover your child’s primary language and learn what you can do to effectively convey unconditional feelings of respect, affection, and commitment that will resonate in your child’s emotions and behavior.