Raising “Good” Kids

Moms and dads of the digital age are well aware of the growing competition for their children’s attention, and we’re bombarded at each turn of the page or click of the mouse with both cutting-edge ideas and newfound worries for raising great kids.

We want our kids to achieve their goals and find happiness, but Harvard researchers believe that doesn’t have to come at the expense of kindness and empathy. They say a few tried-and-true strategies remain the best ways to mold our kids into the morally upstanding and goals-oriented humans we want them to be. Here are six tips:

1. Hang out with our children!  This is, like, the foundation of it all. I try to spend regular time with my kids, I ask them open-ended questions about themselves, about the world and how they see it, and actively listen to their responses. Not only will do I  learn all sorts of things that make them child unique, I’m also demonstrating to them how to show care and concern for another person.
   

   Some Daddy/daughter time

2. If it matters, say it out loud! According to the researchers, “Even though most parents and caretakers say that their children being caring is a top priority, often children aren’t hearing that message.” So be sure to say it with them.
3. Show our children how to “work it out.” Annora and Delise has this sibling rivalry thing going on lately. I have learned that if I walk them through decision-making processes and take into consideration people who could be affected, the situation dwindles quickly.
4. Make helpfulness and gratitude routine. The researchers write, “Studies show that people who engage in the habit of expressing gratitude are more likely to be helpful, generous, compassionate, and forgiving — and they’re also more likely to be happy and healthy.” So it’s good for parents to hold the line on chores, asking kids to help their siblings, and giving thanks throughout the day. And when it comes to rewarding “good” behavior, the researchers recommend that parents “only praise uncommon acts of kindness.”
5. Check your child’s destructive emotions. “The ability to care for others is overwhelmed by anger, shame, envy, or other negative feelings,” say the researchers. Helping kids name and process those emotions, then guiding them toward safe conflict resolution, will go a long way toward keeping them focused on being a caring individual. It’s also important to set clear and reasonable boundaries that they’ll understand are out of love and concern for their safety. I HIGHLY recommend the book Boundaries with Kids by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
6. Show kids the BIGGER picture! Almost all children empathize with and care about a small circle of families and friends,” say the researchers. The trick is getting them to care about people who are socially, culturally, and even geographically outside their circles. I try to do this by coaching them to be good listeners, by encouraging them to put themselves in other people’s shoes, and by practicing empathy using teachable moments throughout the day.

In Conclusion:

“Raising a caring, respectful, ethical child is and always has been hard work. But it’s something all of us can do. And no work is more important or ultimately more rewarding.”