After giving birth to your child, it’s difficult to think of anything other than the new wailing, pooping, spitting roommate you’ve just been tasked with keeping alive — even though you’re also going through a huge transition (not to mention, recovering from a huge physical event). Because your brand-new bundle is priority number one, you may ignore your own needs. For me, this caused a bit of sadness…almost like I had to have a funeral for my old life to accept the new one.
In fact, an essential part of baby care is mother-care. Problem is, typically when we talk about “self-care,” we talk about indulging ourselves in some way — with frothy bubble baths or pedicures or face masks. And when you’re nursing around the clock and seriously short on shut-eye, self-care as you knew it may feel out of reach.
Fortunately, you don’t need to luxuriate in a tub for hours to partake in effective self-care. Here are a few post-partum self-care techniques that can help even the most harried newborn moms feel human again.
1. Start a one-line journal. The power of the pen has been well documented: Journaling may help ease anxiety and depression. However, a rambling diary entry feels out of reach when you barely have time to form an entire sentence in your head. Instead, a one-line journal, where each day you scribble down one line about whatever you’re feeling at that moment.
Have time to jot down more than a line? Great. But even if you don’t, you’re giving yourself a way to express your feelings and record the early days of your maternal experience.
2. Power down your electronics. When you’re nursing every hour or two for maybe as long as an hour at a time, it can be awfully tempting to pass the time on your phone. Sure, this might seem like a good way to kill two birds with one stone — to catch up on emails or see what your friends have been up to or finally Google the ending to that one movie you saw a decade ago — but these precious minutes could be better spent.
3. Go for a walk. You may already be aware that exercise releases feel-good endorphins, but after giving birth you’re probably not up for hitting the gym (nor would your doctor want you to!). Once you’re cleared for physical activity, which typically happens around six weeks after having baby, make a point to get your blood pumping on a regular basis. One of the best ways to do this? Go for a walk.
4. Delegate tasks. Another way to find time? Get it from other people. I firmly believe that having a baby is an “all-hands on deck” situation. It’s not time to polish your manners or be people-pleasers or be polite. If anyone offers to help, say ‘yes’ and delegate an assignment that matches with their skillset. This could look like handing off a bottle to your partner so you can catch a few zzz’s or sending your father-in-law to the grocery store.
5. Practice mindful eating. In addition to making a point to nourish your body with nutrient-dense foods, including plenty of protein and complex carbs (which in itself is a form of self-care), try to incorporate mindfulness during meal times. That does not mean setting the table with a linen tablecloth and China. This is the real world. You might not have time for even an informal lunch, but when you sit down to eat, whether you’re eating a sandwich or a yogurt, incorporate mindfulness.
While you might be determined to inhale whatever food’s before you as quickly as possible (we know, every second is sacred), take a moment to observe what you’re eating. Look at the shimmering sauce on pasta (and by the way we’re talking jarred sauce — ain’t nobody got time for the homemade stuff right now). Feel the steam rising. Inhale the garlic fragrance. All of this takes as little as a minute, but incorporating the senses sets a slower pace for the meal, bringing you into the present, so you’re not inclined to rush.
6. Multi-task in the bathroom. The one door you might be able to reliably put between yourself and the craziness of newborn-mom life — at least for a few minutes — is the bathroom door. It’s the place where you have to go to meet your most basic needs, and with a little multitasking, it can be your sanctuary, too. Even if you only have time for a five-minute shower, make it something you enjoy by incorporating an amazing-smelling shampoo or a body scrub you love. Did the doctor recommend Sitz Baths as part of your recovery? Listen to a few minutes of a favorite podcast, do a quick mindfulness meditation, or read a magazine while you soak for 10 minutes. Or maybe it’s simply taking a minute to apply a calming, lavender-scented lotion after you wash your hands.
7. Allow yourself to feel your feelings — but get help if you need it. You’ve just gone through a physical trauma and are in the middle of a monumental life change. Give yourself permission to experience any emotion you’re feeling, without judgement. If you’re sad, angry, resentful — either toward your partner or baby — it’s okay. We have a lot of ideas of what motherhood looks like. Sometimes our experience matches those ideas, sometimes it doesn’t.
Of course, it’s important to recognize when you’re experiencing emotions that require outside help. If you’re chronically sad, for more than two weeks at a time — and not necessarily initially after giving birth, it can be six months or a year afterward — call your doctor, as these could be signs of postpartum depression. Other symptoms to look out for: being tearful, irritability, losing interest in activities that you used to enjoy, eating more or less, feelings of worthlessness, or obsessive thoughts and behaviors. From what I have heard, this is very common and very treatable, but it’s very important that we all need help sometimes, and there’s no shame in asking for it. The shift into motherhood is one of life’s most profound transitions, and there might be some outside assistance required to make that transition a smooth one.
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