In the best of times, making room for yourself in your schedule as a new parent is difficult. Throw in the pandemic and your own comfort levels of health and safety, and it may seem downright impossible! However, it is definitely important for you and your mental health to take time for yourself. Here are some self care ideas for moms and parents that can be a good springboard for other ways you can nurture your spirit and body.
What is self care and why is it important?
Self care is the practice of protecting your own emotional, physical, and spiritual health and well-being — especially during times of stress (like being a new parent). Depending on the person, self care will look different and require more or less resources of time, money, and energy.
1) Commit to prioritizing yourself
While you may feel completely overwhelmed, even acknowledging that you need to set aside time for yourself is an important step.
“Effective parenting cannot be done from an empty cup [like a] tired, stressed out parent who is not caring for themselves,” social worker Melanie Rhee, LCSW told Mom.com. “A parent who takes time to care for themselves is investing in their own ability to care for their children.”
Spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics Steph Lee, M.D. agreed. “If you’re exhausted, stressed, or burnt out, you won’t have enough energy to be patient and tend to the needs and wants of your children,” she told us. https://shopper.flipp.com/static/1.0.6/latest
Tips for finding time for yourself when you have an infant
Let’s be real. Self care has been touted endlessly and you likely know you have to do it for your own sanity. The real problem is in the execution.
2) Identify your support system (and use them!)
Without a solid support system in place, it will be difficult for you to carve out time for yourself simply because someone else has to watch your baby. “It’s important to identify your support system, whether it’s a partner, family, friends, or anyone else you trust to lend help when you need it,” said Dr. Lee.
“A couple of times a week, as soon as my husband got home from work, I would toss the kids at him and run down to the local coffee shop. I would have a quiet dinner, just me and my newspaper,” Brooklyn writer Amy Oztan told Mom.com. “It was heavenly. Those dinners kept me sane.”
3) Redefine self care
When most of us think of self care, we think of spas or pedicures or a night out with friends. Oftentimes, it requires spending money and pampering ourselves, which isn’t always feasible.
Other ways you can care for yourself include:
- Reading
- Taking classes
- Exercise
- Listening to podcasts
- Going to museums (even with baby)
- Chatting with a friend
- Watching a movie by yourself
When parents cannot get the support they need due to lack of resources, Rhee often recommends socialization groups like play groups or breastfeeding support groups. “The parent is able to have adult conversations and support while the child is semi-distracted. Also seek treatment for support if necessary,” she said.
4) Name your guilt
Whether guilt for not doing enough for your baby, not doing enough for yourself, or for taking time for yourself, you cannot help the way you feel.
“I think it’s important to name that it is extremely difficult caring for a new baby who demands so much time and attention. There are seasons of life where it is harder to take care of yourself even with resources,” said therapist Jeanie Y. Chang, LMFT, CCTP, CIMHP. “It’s best to validate that guilt is part of this experience and it’s about navigating through it constantly, knowing there are times where self-care can be a priority when it’s needed.”
Additional self care ideas for new moms
While a lot of the previous tips are internal work, sometimes, you just need ideas of what to do.
5) Take advantage of interstitial moments
Look for ways you can incorporate self care into your daily life — even during the banal and humdrum. Find moments in your day when you can multitask and have it work in your favor. Listen to podcasts while running errands, chat with your friends while doing groceries (or even grocery shop together), watch K-dramas when feeding the baby, or put on a face mask and sit down for a few moments while your baby naps.
“Listening to audiobooks, podcasts or music while I did the mundane things helped me keep my mind in a positive place,” mother of two Lisa Curzon told Mom.com. “If I didn’t get to finish it, I at least knew I had something to look forward to when the next mundane task came around.”
6) Schedule it
Maybe you will still have the space for spontaneity after having babies, but some folks need to build it into their lifestyle.
Jessica Eastman Stewart explained how she and her partner created a “weekend formula” where they each get alone time as well as alone time with the kids. “Knowing that every weekend would have some alone time that I could plan however I wanted was really critical,” she told us. “Without the deliberate planning, we wouldn’t have made it happen most weekends.”
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