I remember the day we brought our firstborn daughter home from the hospital. She was perfect, GORGEOUS, and sweet as pie. She had the tiniest fingers and toes and made the cutest sounds when she slept. When we got home, we set her carefully on our big, brown oversized couch and stared with awe, wonder, and FRIGHT! Ben and I looked at each other and we could tell what the other was thinking…NOW WHAT?!?
We were new parents scared to death of the unknown!
Now what???
Honestly, I couldn’t believe the hospital allowed us to leave with another human…we were CLUELESS! No amount of preparation could prepare us for parenthood…NONE! We had read books, had mastered the 5 S’s, diapered stuffed animals for practice, taken the parenting classes, read up on breast feeding, etc. Yet, we felt so unprepared to raise this absolutely perfect human that God had blessed us with.
Daddy snuggles…
We did our best to take care of Annora and as the days went by, I was sensing that I was feeling more and more overwhelmed instead of at ease. I was worried about getting Annora on a set 3 hour schedule, getting her to latch on properly so she got a full feeding, people were coming out of the woodwork EVERYWHERE to see the baby so I was stressed about keeping the house clean and getting showered so I looked halfway decent, I stressed about being the best wife and having dinner on the table when the hubs got home from work, yada, yada, yada…
It wasn’t until we had close friends coming over to bring us dinner shortly after Annora came home that I realized there was some depression going on…some baby blues. I was afraid to admit it to anyone…including my husband, so I tucked it deep inside and didn’t allow it to shine through my half smiles and “Oh parenting and mommy-hood are AMAZING” comments. I was actually feeling pretty alone. They were scheduled to arrive at our hose in 10 minutes, dinner piping hot and ready to eat. I sat in the nursery trying to master the difficult art of breast feeding and the tears just started flowing…and flowing…AND FLOWING! Until…UNCONTROLLABLE SOBS!
Ben obviously heard me and came running upstairs to investigate. I snapped at him and told him I didn’t want ANYONE over to the house, I didn’t want to eat anything and I wanted to just escape for 2 hours…JUST 2 HOURS! I was digging a hole and I didn’t feel like I was going to escape anytime soon. Ben did what any good man would do, he cancelled on them and apologized PROFUSELY!
Annora was glued to me…I had no escape…or so I thought.
It wasn’t until I talked to a friend from church who gave me the best advice EVER! She said, “Whatever you are feeling, it is completely normal!” Man did that resonate with me!
I.WAS.NORMAL!
At that very moment, clarity struck me and I was immediately changed. I wasn’t alone, I wasn’t “stuck” in a bad place without anyone to chat with, I wasn’t being “silly” or “crazy”…I was being a new mommy! I struggled with the baby blues for about 7 months…7 LONG months! BUT…I was now aware that others were out there and I leaned on them for the support I needed to get through it.
The baby blues are more real than I ever thought. I am just thankful someone decided to tell me that I wasn’t alone!
For more information on what causes the baby blues and symptoms to watch out for, I found that americanpregnancy.org was a very helpful site. Who knows…maybe it can help you or someone you know.
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